


Assembly Required

by indraaas



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M, I was inspired by an ikea manual, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, cobraxus is super background, laxus is annoyed cobra finds this funny, this is Not How Lucy Expected It To Go but like que sera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 08:58:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17957537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indraaas/pseuds/indraaas
Summary: "natsu you fuck, I sent you to build a wardobe not marry my fucking sister" - they probably have the movie rights to this one.





	Assembly Required

**From: Sparkypire**

**Time: 8:47 AM**

_Natsu(5) + {[Any situation(the amount of people)(proximity to Gray Fullbuster(5) OR Gajeel Redfox(3))] - Presence of Erza Scarlet(2)} + Access to pyrotechnics of any sort + Access to his phone = total level of destruction possibe, plus-or-minus 2._

**To: Sparkypire**

**Time: 8:48 AM**

_What the fuck?_

**From: Sparkypire**

**Time: 8:48 AM**

_I'm sending Natsu over to help with the IKEA furniture. Just do the calculations and if you reach 14, knock him out with a 2x4 and leave him in the bathtub, I'll get him in a couple hours._

**To: Sparkypire**

**Time: 8:49 AM**

_I got like. 9?_

**From: Sparkypire**

**Time: 8:50 AM**

_Oh good, all you have to worry about now is the kitchen burning down. Don't worry, the fire department has a Natsu Protocol._

**From: snek**

**Time: 8:50 AM**

_padlock your fridge and hide my vodka I'll kill the fucking pyro if he touches it_

"Why do bad things happen to good people, Plue?" Lucy turned to her dog. "I just wanted to build a wardrobe. Now I have to worry about my insurance rates quadrupling because my shithead brother is friends with a pyromaniac." Plue, being the entitled yorkie that he was, merely shifted his head in the sunlight and huffed.

"He could totally come and help himself but no, he's got an essay due tomorrow he forgot about so now he's stuck in the library running on three hours of sleep," Lucy ranted as she made her way into the kitchen. Erik's bottle of half-finished Smirnoff was stored between the ice-cream fudge bars and the frozen veggies, a perfect representation of their personalities; a chocoholic, an alcoholic, and a veggieholic, all somehow managing to coexist in their own little biosphere with almost no lasting damage to one another. She pulled out the bottle and unscrewed it, taking in a mouthful.

"This entire situation could have been avoided if IKEA still labeled their parts with letters, but no, now they just have horrible pictures that make no sense." She swallowed again, allowing the vodka's fire to burn through the frustration clogging up her throat. It would take another couple shots to cool her mind but she had surprise company due any time, and drunk Lucy was a privilege few had earned the right to see. If this Natsu person was as fire-happy as Laxus and Erik both claimed he was she would need to be (mostly) sober to make sure her apartment didn't burn down and take with it her tuition money for the next year.

"Life sucks," Lucy sighed. The vodka found a home in the dishwasher, likely to be forgotten there for a week or so until Laxus decided to bring out his horde of dirty dishes. The blonde closed the dishwasher door and stared down at the black letters on her wrist, exposed by her sweater sleeve riding up. "And so do you."

 _BRIM._ By the time she had turned 12, Lucy had exhausted every dictionary, website, and foreign language translator available in Magnolia and the surrounding ten cities in an attempt to decipher what exactly the other half of her word could be ( _brimstone, brimfully, brimful, brimless, brimming, God_ she was gonna break his nose when she found him). At 20, she was no closer to the answer and every notification from a friend who  _had_ found their soulmate only added one more method of murder to her already exhaustive 'ways to off my soulmate when I find them' list.

"'It's okay, Lucy, he's probably some super scholar'," she mocked as she made her way back to the lopsided pile of wood in her living room. "'Yeah, he's getting a degree in a different country, that's why you haven't found him yet. Hey, maybe he's learning a dead language! You could have a dead language split between you! Isn't that so  _cool_ , Lucy?'" Plue raised his head only long enough to shoot her a  _very_  'I'm not judging you but I'm judging you' filled stare before turning away again.

"If I wanted to be judged by an animal I would have adopted a cat, Plue. You're not being very supportive."

"I dunno, man, my cat is pretty judgy and it sucks ass."

In that moment, fifteen years of taekwondo kicked into hyperdrive along with her leg. Lucy dropped her arms to her waist and reared her leg back in what she would fondly look back upon as the most perfectly executed reverse hook kick in the history of reverse hook kicks. Her foot rammed into the stranger's jaw with all the force of an 18-wheeler on meth; so powerful she wasn't sure if the loud crack was from impact or from his bones breaking. The stranger landed on top of the pile of wood, clutching his jaw and cursing from the side of his mouth that was still half functional.

"What the  _fuck_ ," he finally sputtered.

"What do you mean what the fuck? That's my line! Who the hell are you?" Lucy demanded, picking up one of the planks by her foot and brandishing it threateningly. The intruder ignored her and prodded his lip, brushing his silver lip ring. "Jesus Christ, anyone ever tell you that you hit like a goddamn Infernape with Iron Fist and Drain Punch? Yo, Lucy, is this thing bleeding?"

"How do you know my name?"

He furrowed his brows and brushed back his messy pink ( _bright goddamn pink, there was no way that was natural_ ) hair. "I'm Natsu. Didn't Laxus tell you I was coming?"

"Wait, you're Natsu?" Lucy felt the plank slip out of her hands at the same time her stomach dropped to her feet. "Oh my God, I am so sorry! Well. Okay,  _half_ sorry, you kinda had it coming to you. Do you normally do that? Like, barge into stranger's homes? Also, do you need an ice pack? Ibuprofen?"

"Laxus told me the door would be open so I could just walk in. He didn't tell me you were training for the Olympics, though. And yes to both." Natsu smiled as much as he could with a rapidly swelling lip. "Nice to meet you, I guess."

* * *

Once Natsu had been handed an ice-pack with express instructions to keep it on for ten minutes and off for ten, Lucy headed to the kitchen with the excuse of getting drinks before they started and whipped out her phone.

**To: Sparkypire**

**Time: 9:35 AM**

_I kicked Natsu in the jaw because I thought he was a home invader I hope you're happy you fuck_

**To: Levy McGorgeous**

**Time: 9:35 AM**

_I kicked a cute guy in the jaw. Get Gajeel to build me a nice metal coffin to bury me in._

**From: snek**

**Time: 9:36 AM**

_if i wasn't attached to your brother i'd probably marry you i can't believe you kicked him in the jaw this cleared my skin watered my crops and gave me a promotion_

Lucy wondered what ancient God it was she had angered in a past life that she was stuck with asshole friends like this. Perhaps it was preemptive karma for kicking poor Natsu in the jaw. Perhaps it was just shit luck. Either way, Laxus and Erik were to blame because when was anything not their fault? She was fairly certain if she looked back in time far enough they were the reason the dinosaurs were wiped out.

"I've been called hard-headed before, but I doubt my head is hard enough for your foot to be broken, you know," Natsu called from the other room. "Is that why you're taking so long? You can show off your battle wounds, the only one judging is your dog."

Lucy bristled and headed back to him, making sure to flex her calf muscles as she sat down. "I'm fine, thanks. Let's just get this over with."

Natsu picked up her instruction booklet and squinted at the pictures, and Lucy took the time to eye him top to bottom. While she was never one for piercings, his lip ring, brow piercing,  _and_ dangly earring added a foreign sort of attraction to him. His pink hair, off-putting at first, clashed beautifully with his murky green eyes. To top it all off, he had  _quality_ dress sense, as exhibited by the workout shirt stretched over his muscles. All in all, a solid 9.

"BRIMNES," Natsu read off the cover slowly. Her wrist flashed purple in the corner of her eye, her heart thudded so loudly she swore it stopped for a second, and suddenly, something in her head  _clicked_. It was as if somebody had pushed in the final piece of a puzzle into place, painting a clear, complete portrait in her mind of  _him_. Every drop of blood in her veins sang in that second, crying  _Natsu, Natsu, Natsu_ ; every heartbeat rang as surely as a church bell, echoing  _soulmate_.

"Holy shit." A dizzying, exhilarated smile split across Natsu's face. "You're my soulmate!"

"Holy  _shit_ ," Lucy repeated in horror. " _You're_ my soulmate?"

It was a good thing they lived so close to the border. Lucy could slip away into Bosco, change her name to Ashley, and live out her longtime fantasy of being a mechanic. Hell, why stop at Bosco? She could take a flight to the next continent and live in Alvarez with a distant cousin of hers who she knew served as a governor. Nobody would recognize her there, and Natsu would never be able to find her amongst the sea of blonde haired women at the beach. The perfect plan.

"This is so cool!" Natsu laughed. "Oh man, I can't wait to tell everyone my soulmate almost shattered my jaw! We're a perfect match!"

"No. No, not cool," Lucy snarled. Her blood was no longer singing cute love songs. No, it was pounding like a warcry in her veins. Her vision was starting to go black in the corners, an alarming sign for most. "I can't believe the other half of my word is fucking IKEA furniture! Gajeel and Levy got metallurgy! Laxus and Erik got chemistry! Jellal and Erza got ribbon! What do I get? Fucking  _BRIMNES_! That isn't even a word!" She ranted, throwing her arms up. "I spent  _so many fucking years_ going through a million and one textbooks and websites! I get IKEA furniture!"

"And a very unique meetup story," Natsu pointed out. "I mean, seriously, this has gotta be the most hilarious origin story ever. We could get movie rights."

Lucy screeched wordlessly and dropped to the floor. "I hate my life."

Natsu patted her head gently, curling his warm fingers through her hair. Although she wanted to pull away on principle, the gesture had her blood pressure dropping to acceptable levels, so she stared up at her  _soulmate_ \- the word sent a flutter through her chest - and exhaled sharply. "I now feel very not sorry for kicking you in the jaw. I had an entire murder list for when I met you, you know. Now I feel justified."

"You can tell me all about that one on our second date," Natsu said. Lucy raised an eyebrow. "Implying we've been on a first?"

He waved the booklet in his hand. "Our first date is building this wardrobe! Second date once we're done. There's a froyo down the street and they have mango-peach sorbet."

Lucy picked up a packet of nails and grinned in spite of her earlier ire. "I hope you know I'm a  _slut_ for those little jelly balls they have there. I literally get a pound of that alone."

"Oh thank  _God_ , I would have broken up with you if you didn't like those," Natsu said. "I'm serious, I can't trust people who don't like them."

"Same. Also people who get french vanilla while they're at froyo. Like, do you even love yourself?"

Natsu stared down at her with a seriousness reserved for telling a family their child had been involved in a car accident. Numbness crept up her limbs as she met his burning gaze, and her mouth ran dry. Had she offended him? Was he a french vanilla lover? First a reverse hook kick to his jaw, now one to his pride, joy, and tastebuds. Today couldn't possibly get any worse.

"Lucy, I think I might love you," he announced. "You are, indubitably, the most perfect woman to grace planet Earth. And the trappist planets."

"Please tell me you've watched  _7 Days in Hell_. Please."

"I have it  _memorized_."

"Okay, so, today's plan is build the wardrobe, get froyo, and head down to city hall to get married."

"Sounds good to me."

* * *

**From: blondroid**

**Time: 8:52 PM**

_NATSU YOU FUCK I SENT YOU TO BUILD A WARDROBE NOT MARRY MY FUCKING SISTER_

**From: king cobra**

**Time: 8:53 PM**

_idc what lucy says you're not moving in with us get your own apartment_

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Fairy Tail, Hiro Mashima does


End file.
